How to deal with uncertainty and get what you want in life

We all go through times in our lives when we’re mot sure what we want. Or there are conflicting wants. This uncertainty can cause stress, anxiety and procrastination.

Here are some questions and reflections that can help you get through these times of uncertainty.

  1. Does searching for what you want give you the answers? Actually, continually searching, goal setting, and thinking of the future can be counterproductive and increase anxiety and uncertainty. Searching causes you to look for something “out there”—that can make you feel like you’re filing some kind of emptiness or lack of something inside. The more you try to “grab onto” something you don’t have, the more it can allude you. Why? Because of a basic principle in the Universe—every strong force creates an equal and opposing force, so the Universe will seek balance. What should you do instead? When the right opportunity appears in your life, you will have an “inner knowing” that it is right. That feeling doesn’t just occur in your head, but also in your heart and your gut. By developing patience and waiting for those opportunities to appear, you also live in the present and not the future.
  2. How can change in my life happen unless I forcefully make it happen?  This is a common misconception which is connected to Western cultural values of materialism, competition and  win-lose. That paradigm has run its course, and the negative effects are clear in terms of peoples’ sense of well-being and happiness being tied to external things. We can’t possibly control all the variables in life, other people and events. The only thing you can control is your emotional and  mental state and your behavior. All the pieces of your future may not be immediately visible, and they will appear at the right time. It’s like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that is not yet complete.
  3. If I can’t always focus on creating certainty in my life, what should I do? You can devote your energy and time to helping others in things that are consistent with your values, beliefs and your vision of the future. Often, opportunities and certainty can come from this.
  4. What can I do about my anxiety of being in quicksand or a “gooey mess?” Learn to be okay with being in the soup of uncertainty. It doesn’t last forever. Nothing does. Practice remaining  in the present moment and not trying to get ahead of yourself. Struggling to get out of the quicksand could sink you further into it or put you on the wrong course out. Solid ground will appear at the right time.
  5. What if my future seems so far away and too big to attain? Remember the old saying, “a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” The only time that exists is the present moment and day. Focus on one thing you can do today to move you forward to where you want to go. The focus is on action and not rumination.
  6. What is one step I can take to develop more certainty? Be clear about your values—what is really the most important thing (top 3) in your life? Once you’ve written these down, ask yourself—“Is everything I do every day honoring those values or in alignment with them.” If not, this will create uncertainty.

Finally, this piece of advice that has helped me in life. Everything that happens in life is neither bad or good. It depends on your perception and the context. Good things  can come out of bad events and visa versa. Take the view instead that whatever happens, just is. It is what it is, and you can choose how to see it or reframe it.